He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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