Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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