Just mADE A PArabola og urine
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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