how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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