I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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