My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I can text with my tongue
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
