dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
