she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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