I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
