This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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