A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
