yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
