We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
