I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
