my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
it glows. i had to have it.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
