Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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