You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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