the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
