dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
