If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
