So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
