After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
