the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
