Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
