He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
