If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
