I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
