the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
