oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
