Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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