when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
