I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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