This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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