I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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