I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
