The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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