turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
