Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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