I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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