so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
