He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
