K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Don't EVER smell your tampon
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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