I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
