What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
