go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
