the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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