Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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