Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
