You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
