remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
