guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i drank out of a bidet.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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