ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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