you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
even my farts smell like vagina
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
