i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
