after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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