No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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